22 Days to Go

No, I didn't forget, I've been busy today.  Busy doing what, you ask?  Making Christmas Cookies?  More Elves vomiting decorations around the house?  Christmas Shopping?  Wrapping?  Nope.  None of that.  It was a decidedly NON-Christmas kind of day in the Pitman household.  Why is that?  Something very important has come up that is trumping my Christmas Time.

Next Saturday, we will be attending a Princess Birthday Party!!  Big deal you say?  Well, it IS  a big deal, when you have a little princess with NOTHING to wear!!  That's ok, SUPERMOM to the RESCUE!!  I have the pattern, I bought the material, and I have the SKILLZ!!!!  (I spelled it with a Z because that means I'm cool, dontcha know.)  But, you say, thats so EASY!!  Well, we all know I cant do ANYTHING easy.  So, looking the pattern, Cassie likes the top of this dress, with the bottom of that dress, and the sleeves of that dress over there.  But, I think it will look even more princess-ie if we added the bodice of that 4th dress.  So, instead of making one dress, I'm mushing 4 of them into one dress.  This is what I like about sewing.  This is why sewing is much better than going to the store and paying for a piece of crap dress made in a 3rd world country.  We pick the color, we pick the look, and then we have the challenge of making it look like it was professionally put together in a 3rd world country where some 10 year old is paid 25 cents a day and sews better than I can ever wish I could.  I really dont have talent.  What I have is stupidity.

I have more stupidity in my little finger than the average American has in their whole body!!  And this is PROOF!!!  Forty dollars and probably three days work to make a dress Cassie will wear once for 4 hours.  All in addition to the other crap I do on a regular basis, AND during the most stressful time of year!!  And whats even more crazy is the fact that I'm having a BLAST!!!!  I'm pretty sure the S on my chest stands more for Stupid than Super Mom!  Hey!!  Where's my sign?!?!?!

22 Days to Go

So, today we did it.  He was supposed to do it, but instead WE did it.  The outside is decorated for Christmas!!  I remember the old days, when I'd be outside, freezing my butt off, hanging lights around my trailer, and fighting with them daily.  Those were the days when I basically started my "Countdown To Christmas" blogs, even before there WAS blogging!!  No I dont have to do it all.  I can help my husband do it.  And if you think that is easier, you are probably wrong.

First we must decide HOW we are going to decorate.  I like the Griswald Family Christmas look.  Rob says he needs organization in his decorating.  I think we should just through all sorts of lights all over the place!!  The more & different the better!!!!  Rob said since he was in charge of decorating, we'll do it his way.  Well, I did sneak some twinkling net lights into the cart when he wasn't looking.  Yes, this was a mistake.

So he puts up the blow up snowman and the Nativity Scene.  Then I have to watch him rearrange the Nativity about 27 times.  Helping by saying things like "HEY, PITMAN!!!  The sheep don't need to be up the Shepherds butt!!!!"  And "What is this?  The AUTISTIC NATIVITY where everybody invades everyone else's bubbles?!?!?!  Spread 'em out!!"  So he waits until I go inside and fixes it again, and calls it done.  But my favorite part was after he got all the lights strung together.  Two net lights over the bushes, one net light over the top of the tree, followed by 3 more strands of lights, and the lights on top of the house, and they neatly end in one spot, awaiting the power.  Thats when I hear it the first time.  "HONEY!!!  We have a PROBLEM!!"  No, Pitman, we have no problems, just opportunities for greatness.  See, somehow, with all the stringing of the lights, there ended up not being one strand with the actual plug left to go into the extension cord.  Yep, Pitman was right, he had a problem.  So, we followed the wires and found the culprit.  "I'm going to have to take all these lights off the tree and re-do them."  Yep, Rob, and I hope you have fun with that.

That done, he plugs in the electric, and I hear it again!!  "HONEY!!!  We have a PROBLEM!!!"  <sigh>  Did they catch fire?  "Do you know the net lights we bought twinkle?"  Yes, dear, I told you that, and I was excited about it.  "Well, it probably would have been ok if I put both new nets on the bushes, and the other one on the tree.  Right now we have have the bush and the top of the tree twinkling.  I guess I'm going to have to move that around?"  You THINK?!?!?  <sigh>  So all in all, Rob hung lights on 3 trees and 5 bushes.....  and we only have 1 tree and 2 bushes.  He was just having so much fun that he did it over, and over, and over again.

But it was so worth it!!!  Until, when the lights turned on tonight, we noticed that our blow up snowman's light blew out. And only 1/2 the candy canes light up. And one of my big blowup lightbulb lights is deflated....  But I still think its beautiful!!!

23 Days to Go.....

Let me preface this by apologizing if anyone is offended by today's post. It is adult in nature and may not be appropriate for children.

So, last night Pitman and I were having one of our customary deep conversations. We do this often. Communication is important in a marriage. So we were talking about Rudolph. Yes, the red-nosed reindeer. He said “Wasn't Rudolph the son of one of the other reindeer? Like Blitzen or something?” I told him I didn't remember, and that was according to the story. I added it didn't really matter because it was just a story because all the reindeer are female. He misunderstood me and said that they don't have antlers because its winter time. I really don't know what the hell he was saying. But I told him that female reindeer have antlers, and I was referring to the fact that in all the pictures, none of the reindeer have penises. Seriously, check it out. Its pretty sad.

But, we debated the antlers a bit. I told him that female elk have antlers, too. He said female elk don't have antlers. Well, I had MEANT to say moose. He said they don't either, and he doesn't know of any deer like female animal that has antlers. I said I would internet search it, but we had bigger problems. If female reindeer do NOT have antlers, and Santa's reindeer have antlers and penises, then Santa is driving around with a bunch of hermaphrodites. Rob said no, and he believes that they just had to be castrated to cut down on wind resistance....but only after Rudolph was born, of course. And, he reminded me, that would be very sad because, as Cassie has pointed out to us, penises are very special to the owner.

So I did my internet research and found the following:

“According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so), male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen ... had to be a female.”

Sorry, Pitman, I was right again... but thank you for the laughs!!!

24 days to go...

So, we have a felt calendar that helps us count down to Christmas.  Its Cassie's job to move the star from day to day every morning.  She likes it, it gives her something to do.  So, this morning I go to wake her up.  This is always a fun job on school days.  I tell her she has an important job to do this morning.  She said she knows.  I ask what it is.  "GGRRrrroifth the thing."  You have to growl at the thing?  "Hehehehe I have to move the star thing."  Why do you have to do that, Cassie?  "BECAUSE ITS THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS!!!"

First the day after the 4th of July, retail stores start cramming Christmas Shopping down our throats.  Then they start playing Christmas music the day after Halloween.  Now I'm finding that instead of 12 Days of Christmas there are now 24.  That will make for one hell of a long song.  None the less, she put the star on December 1st.  Tonight we will do our first story and a chocolate a day until Christmas.  I filled the new calendar yesterday with 3 chocolates in each square.  I get to partake in the chocolate goodness each day, too!! 

So, I hope you all had a Merry First Day of Christmas!  I'll see you tomorrow!

Its the Christmas Season...

I just wrote this beautiful blog about my alternate universe where I live in a skyscraper apartment in the city.  It had a pink aluminum tree and everything.  Then I went on to say my reality is actually better.  It was inspiring and heartfelt.  And then Winne the Pooh ruined it.

See, I went to add a picture of a cardboard cut out my sister gave me 15 years ago.  She doesn't even remember giving me the one thing that ended up meaning Christmas to 2 small children who had almost nothing in their young lives.  I thought if I posted the picture, she'd remember it.  And my older kids, Steve & LeeAnne could see I still have it and display it, even if they aren't here.  But my computer locked up.  Damn you, Pooh Bear, you are the devil!!!

But, since I'm not one to give up easily, I WILL get this picture onto THIS blog TODAY!!  The words may not be beautiful or eloquent, but now is not the time for sentiment.  Its time for REVENGE!!  Revenge against the Pooh of Doom, revenge against the ChristmasCrap that attacks me every year!!  REVENGE AGAINST FATE!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Take THAT life!!  I will win!!!  I WILL SUCCEED in putting a picture of a ratty cardboard cut out on my first blog counting down until Christmas this year!!!!!

So, I've written this and will now save it.  This way, when the Pooh of Doom locks up my computer time and time again, I will not have to waste my time typing again. If I have to type again, dirty words may tumble out of my fingers.

A HA!!!!  Persistence and threats have paid off!!!  Pooh is NOW on my blog, and I WIN!!!!  It is so nice to start this Christmas Countdown on a winning note!  I feel confident, I feel invincible!!   So Christmas Season, my friend, my enemy, the bane of my human existence.....  bring it.

Happy Veterans Day!

So, today is Veterans Day in the US.  What should be a day of honoring those who have served our country, most of the good American Citizens see it as another day off and will shop all sorts of retail sales at HUGE department stores.  I've decided to boycott the sales, but will be heading to the grocery store later.  I'm going to Price Chopper, who is giving Veterans free donuts and coffee.  Hey, its a start, right?

I would like to thank a few people.  There is no way I can mention every veteran I know.. because I know too many.  But I thank you all for your service, and what you've done to keep me free to blog, among other things.  The first is Artie Mennig, the hottest damn Marine I've ever met.  He was also the first guy to ever give my big brother, Les, a black eye, so he will always be my hero.  Even before he was a Marine, he was a gentleman, and will always me by high school crush.  There is also Peter Quirk, who served in the Navy, and tells me stories of Antarctica, where my Dad was also stationed. There is also Paul Browne, who also served in the Navy, and sent me a picture of him on his ship, with Egypt in the background.  Probably the closest I'll get to any foreign country besides Canada.  

There are many others who have touched me, but none as much as my Dad, CWO4 Robert B Dunlap, PA & SOB.  I believe he is the reason I've always been enamored with the military.  I'd like to tell you a few things you may not know about him.  When he'd introduce himself to the new arrivals to Camp Upshire in Quantico, VA, he was nice enough to tell them that they could call him "Mr."  He had a unique sense of humor... except at 0-dark-30 when Les screamed through the house "MR FANN IS DEAD" after our neighbor fell on the icy porch.  

Mr. Dunlap never received a college degree, but was one of the best Physician Assistants in the world.  Ok, I may be exaggerating.  But when George Washington University graduated their very first Physician Assistants class, my Dad was there.  I have the newspaper article somewhere, if you need proof.  He also made huge advancements in the treatment of heat induced illnesses, which led to life saving measures for new recruits who train in the southern heat. 

My dad was not perfect.  None of us are.  Its really hard to forgive him for some things.  The hardest to forgive is for having to watch him eat a peanut butter and mayo sandwich.  Or the smell of cigarettes and CloseUp toothpaste that never left the bathroom.  Or knowing he could have taken us to live in Hawaii, but didn't want to do 4 more years in the Navy. 

But Veterans Day is mainly to celebrate our living Vets.  So, do something today to say thank you.  Buy a Vet a cup of coffee.  Give a lonely Vet a call to say "HEY!!".  Aww, shucks, run up to one and give 'em a great big hug and kiss!!!!!  Except Artie, he's mine.  <grin>

Time flies...

Yes, it has been a while.  But its been a very revealing time here at the OK Corral.  So, lets go through this quickly and as painlessly as possible.  Its confession time!!!

1.  I had to give up on my quest to become a marathon runner for the time being.  My body just wasn't able to do it, and when you have anxiety attacks when doing something, it may be time to back up and re-think.  There is something wrong when a person is trying to push them selves past what feels a LOT like a heart attack.  So please do not think badly of me, and if you do, I guess thats an "oh well" on both our parts. 

2.  My dear husband, who will do anything for me, abided by my request to go through Autism Testing.  (The conversation went a lot like "You are a self-centered bastard.  You need to get tested, because if there is a REASON you are a self-centered bastard, we might be able to work on it.  But if there isn't, you are out of here 'cause I cant take any more."  Yes, people, I'm THAT mean to Pitman on a regular basis and that is one reason why you always need to know both sides of the story).  Well, after a few appointments it has been confirmed that Robert is, indeed, on the Autism Spectrum. 

3.  Even though I've suspected it, just like when I got the official diagnoses on Cassie, it was still a kick in the stomach.  Robert is also just coming to terms with it, and things around here have been amazing.  We are remaining in counseling and finding out how to bring about our marriage in this new light.  Its possible, but it wont be easy.  Cynthia believes we are an amazing couple and that we will definitely make it.

4.  Robert will be spending Thanksgiving with his parents and staying the rest of the weekend with hunting buddies.  No, I am NOT upset with this.  I'm a little sad, yes, but its all for the best.  I will be going to my mothers and seeing my older children.  I might even have Steve & Dani with me for part of the weekend!!!!  This is NOT an instance of Rob being an asshole.  Trust me, the world would know if it was that. 

In closing, I will ask that you not judge our marriage or the decisions we make as a couple.  He is ASD, I am NT (NeuroTypical) and we are raising an ASD child.  There is absolutely NOTHING in our lives that can be considered "Normal".  Besides, as my Mom says a lot, "Can you define normal?"  Some of our decisions will make me happy, and some will not.  If I bitch, which I will, please know that I'm just letting off steam.  Just know we are very happy to know what it is we are facing and battling, and we know we are blessed to have that much going for us.  And I promise I'll go back to writing more regularly and that it will be more humorous than this one.  But sometimes life is serious and Steve once told me that I don't have to laugh at everything, because seeing barbed-wire fencing around a car dealership while lost in Newark, is NOT FUNNY!!!