Getting My Need for Closure

Before I begin my story, I need to put out a disclaimer. This posting is not for anyone who does not want to relive the heartwrenching experiences of a year ago. Here is your opportunity to close this out and walk away. I will wait.

dee te dee te.... lalalla.....dee te teee.... la la...

Ok. I hope that was enough time. I am not writing this to open old wounds. I'm writing this to close mine. And to tell my side of the story. I will be leaving out a lot of details, because I won't go into a "He said, She said" debate, just the facts as they affected me, my marriage, my family, and my beliefs. 

Over a year ago, my husband fell in love with another woman. He stated that while there was a day they planned to turn their relationship physical, he chickened out and it never did. As there is no way of knowing the truth, I excepted that explanation, we talked, sought therapy, and worked things out. I have forgiven him, but I have not forgotten. I still carry the hurt he caused, but I just turned it into part of the large wall I'm erecting around me. But there is more to the story. See, the woman he carried on this emotional affair with was my friend, one of my best friends. We will call her Kristy.

When I was preparing to move upstate, she was all gushy and lovey, and huggy. "Oh this will be so GREAT!!!" She said we'd go shopping, get pedicures, go on Girls Nights Out, etc. I was so looking forward to that, because in my adulthood, I've never had a "girl friend" like that. I found out later that while she was saying all these things, she was involved with my husband. She even helped me move from downstate to upstate. I don't know if she ever felt friendly to me or if it was all an act. It looks like I will never know.

After it happened, I repeatedly asked her all the why & how questions. She wouldn't answer. She just wanted to go back to the way it was. I tried. Thats when the blow-offs started, and I realized she didn't want to go back to the way things were, she just wanted me gone. She said once that I won and to leave it at that. But I needed the closure.

Kristy was married to a man I have the utmost love and respect for. He is probably the reason I accepted Kristy so readily into my life. To say I would do anything in the world for him, its an understatement. Its also an understatement to say I feel I owe my life to this guy. As her meanness toward me got worse, I informed her she needed to tell her husband what went on between her and MY husband.... she insisted I was trying to kill her husband. Less than a week later Rob told him about the relationship. Less than a week after that, Kristy left him and moved in with another man, also married and a close friend of her family. I understand they are living happily ever after. My dear friend has also found a new woman who makes him very happy. Robert and I have put that part of our lives behind us.

The problem? She was my friend. Its bad enough when your husband falls in love with another woman. But when that woman is your FRIEND, its a double pain. When your man hurts you, you turn to your friends to help you through it.... but what do you do when they cause it? How do you get over that kind of pain? Closure helps. But every time I ask her, it invokes the fight or flight response. So, I let it go for a while. I recently asked her one more time. I figured after a year, she's happy, her soon to be ex is happy, whats the big deal, right? No response. Ok. I dont like it, but I can deal. What I didn't expect was the immediate, immature Facebook posts. Making fun of my napping, saying "Some people need to realize they aren't all that" immediately after I post that I'm awesome. Oh, and my favorite, insinuating my hypocrisy because my skeletons are coming out of my closet. No, I can't prove all of this is pertaining to me. But I have never believed in coincidences, and having their comments posted, and seemingly related to, things I have commented, looks pretty darned suspicious. Oh, then there was the comment where she said: "dont hold your breath...oh...on second though...please do. and dont respond. Im so done. Maybe you should go take a nap.", when I told her I was waiting for my enlightenment. 

Now, I know what most of you saying. Me? HYPOCRITICAL? Yeah! I know, RIGHT? I laughed, too. Skeletins in my closet? That is another good laugh!!! See, I have no secrets, I say nothing behind someones back I wouldn't or haven't already said to their face. Its not like I haven't TRIED to talk to her, to mend things. But she has made it clear that she has no desire to do so. My Mom keeps telling me that I have to deal with the fact that in life, I will come across people who don't like me. I still find it hard to digest. I'm a freakin' sweetheart, and a blast to be with!!! Why wouldn't everyone love me?!?! Well, they dont. And some feel the need to try to tear me down. Mom always told me those people did that because they were jealous. So, I guess I will let "Kristy" continue to trash talk and giggle like a high schooler. I'm too old to pass for a teenager any more. 

I will now consider this chapter in my life closed, make the hurt she caused into a few more bricks, and add them to the wall. Thank you, my friends, for allowing me this opportunity to heal.