Yeah, its been a while.....

I'm sorry I haven't posted.  Its kind of hard lately.  Typing is hard, actually!!  I'm always tempted to type out a paragraph for Facebook and NOT edit it so people can see what I've turned into.  No, I don't sit here drooling on myself....  I'm still able to wipe the spittle and do have SOME pride!!!  But there is a lot of things I can't do.  I HAVE to take Cassie grocery shopping with me.  I can't do it alone anymore.  Unloading the cart at the checkout has turned into a disaster waiting to happen!  She's cool about it, in a "But I'm a teen and don't WANT to hang out with my Mom in a grocery store" kind of way.  Its amazing what the promise of a donut from the bakery can do to improve someone's attitude, though.

My Mother's Day Present
Since I don't FEEL like
Wonder Woman anymore,
Pitman decided I needed the
reminder of who I USED to be!

So, one week from today, Rob and I will be on our way to see Dr. Henderson, world renowned expert on Chiari Malformations and associated disorders.  I'm scared, angry, frustrated, and in pain.  Actually, its more of a discomfort, what I read from others on my Chiari Facebook Pages is PAIN.  So then I swing over to the "maybe I'm just being silly" side.  You know, the part that says "I'm just having some headaches, fatigue, muscle exhaustion, inability to make a coherent sentence...."  then I realize I do have a LOT going on.

But is it REALLY so much that I need to see a specialist in Maryland?  I mean that is a LOT of money...and what if the guy IS a nut who'll tell EVERYONE that their head is about to fall off and that their spinal columns are being tied together so he can cut into them and make them do some kind of creepy puppet dance while they are out cold?  (mental note:  see if puppet dances are on UTube).

Then there is the whole "looking into my future" thing.  No more roller coasters or amusement park rides?  No more singing to the radio or the songs I make up to irritate Pitman?   Right now I can't walk more than 75 steps to my mailbox and 75 steps home.  Will that get better?  Will I ever be able to sweep the whole down stairs without taking a break in each room?   Will I be able to take a week long kayak trip in Puerto Rico?  No, I haven't done that yet, but I've always wanted to....  I kept saying "someday".  Have I missed all my somedays?  Is Chiari a death sentence?  Not in "I'm about to DIE!!"  But more like "I might as well BE dead?"

I really hope these questions can be answered next Monday.  I'm thinking they wont be, and that makes me sad.  But I wont cry.  Why?  No, silly, not because I'm strong like Wonder Woman... but because crying (just like singing) makes my headache worse, and its not time for the Migraine pills yet.......