Re-Writing Christmas Carols

I love Christmas Carols.  I know a little bit of all of the songs, and almost all of most of them.  BUT, I also like to re-write them to fit my mood.  Who are we kidding.  I like to re-write most songs to fit my mood, but there is just something special about Christmas Carols.

My Christmas House

When Pitman was decorating the outside of the house (at my urging) on a beautiful fall day, with the sun out and the temperature hitting 60 degrees, I updated my Facebook Status to read "Oh, the weather outside's not frightful, and the sun is so delightful!!  So Pitman won't be late, lets decorate, decorate, decorate!!!"  Oh, in case you can't figure it out, its to the tune of "Let it Snow".

No, not MY potty.
MY potty needs to
be available for
immediate use.

So, today I'm thinking about re-writing the 12 Days of Christmas.  It will be titled "The 12 Days of Pitman Christmas".  I don't understand where they get 12 Days of Christmas.  I celebrate either 1 or 25+ days... not 12.  But, regardless, I already have the first verse.

On the first day of Christmas, Pitman gave to me, the stupid-assed stomach bug.

That's all I got right now.  I can't think.  I'm trying too hard not to keep my head out of the toilet.

Tis the Season!

Our Cute Little Christmas House!

Years ago, before blogging was as common as dog poop on your shoes, I started sending out daily emails in a count down to Christmas style.  Usually it revolved around my inability to get all my outside Christmas lights to light at the same time.  It was amazing, how every night they came on, and something else was blown out!!  It was at that point in my life that I realized a few things.  One was that I was never meant to have a Griswold Family Christmas House.  The other thing is that when frustrated, its easier to write about it and allow my family and friends to laugh at me than to curl up in my room and cry.

That brings us to today.  See, my halls are all decked.  My outside is beautiful, yet incomplete.  Pitman is in charge of decorating the outside, mainly because of the introduction to today's blog.  This year, we lost an intricate member of our outside decor...  Mr. Snowman the Snowman.  Yes, I name my decorations.  That's so people know what I'm talking about.  Mr. Snowman the Snowman is our blow up, and, well, he no longer would blow up, so he got thrown out.  Pitman is in deep mourning.  He is very partial to blow ups and would love to try to rival his Dad, who has about 756 of the darned things in his yard every Christmas.

Inside, the last thing to be done was the hanging of stockings with care... and yarn.  We decided to hang them going down the staircase.  They look cute, but I cannot take a picture of them because one is still drying.  Drying?  Yes, drying.  See, we have matching stockings, except the animals.  But I don't have Steve's stocking, he does.  I don't know if he'll remember to bring it home, so he needs another stocking here holding his place.  Also, this year we'll be adding a new Christmas Eve Family Member, and that is LeeAnne's friend Andrew.  SIDE-NOTE!  We love Andrew.  We got to finally meet him this past summer, and the guy is a hoot.  I do enjoy him!  So, Andrew needs a stocking, too.  So off to the Dollar Store we go, and we pick up a few stockings.

Steve's Stocking, as we cut
as much of it apart as possible.

I sit down to personalize them and find out that they have iron-on decals!!  WOOHOO!!!  That'll be easy!!  That'll be cute!!  I can do this!!!!!!  Well, I can't do it.  See, Steve's was the first.  And I was so excited!!  When I was done ironing on the transfers, it looked amazing!!!  Not as amazing as the look on my face when I realized that while ironing it, I sealed the stocking shut.  It looked good, but it wasn't very practical.  I opened it the best I could, and I think Santa will be able to get a few presents in there, but I wasn't pleased.

So, for Andrew's, I put a towel INSIDE the stupid stocking so the same thing wouldn't happen.  I put the paper on, just like Steve's, and ironed it for 90 seconds, just like Steve's, and WHALLA!!!!  It wasn't sealed shut!!  HOWEVER...  the paper was stuck on the stocking and I was unable to get it off.  <sigh>  Remember when I said I bought a few stockings?  It was actually 3.  The one with the paper glued to the top is in the trash.  Steve will have to deal with wrestling gifts out of a small opening, and Andrew's stocking, which has his name written in glitter glue, is drying.

Personalized Stocking
Causes Paper to Stick
Like Glue!!!

And so the Christmas Season Begins.......

Where's the Blog!!!

I've been asked many times why I haven't blogged lately.  When I tell people, they look at me like I'm nuts.  You see, I just don't have the time to sit and think and then take the proverbial pen to paper.  Its bad enough that I do NOT follow all the standard steps to writing.  I saw a poster with these steps that I can get at Barnes and Noble.  This poster will help me with one of the reasons I don't have time to write my blog.  But will it give me more time?  No, it will give me LESS time because I will be fighting MORE with Cassie over a huge ass poster that says she is supposed to plan, draft, edit, re-write, I-believe-I'm-missing-a-step and then publish.  Me, I think, write and publish.  Actually, so does Cassie.  Hey, but I put in more words, sentences  details and paragraphs!!!  I know that given time she'll follow in her mother's writing footsteps.  She has a ton of ideas and an imagination to rival Christopher Robin!!

So, why am I blogging now?  Because it is 3am and I don't feel like cleaning, planning, teaching, or researching things at the moment.  Oh, and my Mom and my other friends aren't awake to chat.  So, what is there left to do at 3am but to blog!  What, sleep?  I should be sleeping?!?!  You are telling me!!  But we all have issues.  See, once I get out of bed, I'm awake.  I went to see an Endocrinologist yesterday.  She asked me how many times I get up to pee in the night.  I told her I don't.  She said "REALLY?"  Its not often I impress doctors!!  I told her that I have been known to wake up and THINK about getting up and going pee.  But in the end I always decide its just not worth it, and fall back to sleep.

So, why am I up at 3am?  Cassie is sick and just can't fall back to sleep.  I know what many of you are thinking.  You are thinking she is 12 years old and can hang out, not feeling well, by herself.  And she can!!  But I got out of bed and now I'm awake.  But my interrupted sleep is your gain!  You get a BLOG!!

There are somethings that are difficult to illustrate in the written word.  What JUST happened to me, JUST after I typed the last sentence in the last paragraph was freakin' hilarious, but you missed it.  "You get a BLOG!!!" I typed, with a huge smile, a couple of jaunty exclamation points.  It was with excitement, pride, and just a general feeling of euphoria that I hit what I still call the "return tab", and then just sat there.  I stared at my blinking cursor.  Not a thought in my brain.  I almost started writing "de da dee da deeeee" to simulate the lack of words my mind is creating.  Crickets.  Analog clock tick-tocking away.  Cassie yawning.  WAIT!!  Cassie yawning?  If she's yawning, she should go to bed!  But it wouldn't matter.  For once my feet hit the ground I'm up for about an hour.  Unless I'm trying to figure out what to blog.  Or, I can end this blog now.  But how will I end something that really has no point?  No structured idea?  If it has no beginning or middle, can it have an end?!!?!  This is why teaching is difficult, why it really would be best to leave it to professionals.  I will let you know that sometimes, when I teach Cassie, things don't go right.  Something will go wrong and some how take a completely different path that what I've intended.  I've found that sometimes its best to deploy my emergency parachute.  I think I will do that now.  "What are you talking about", you ask?  Watch closely how a pro does it.  Oh, but you need to have it completely spontan-------- WAIT!!  LOOK!!!  A Squirrel!!  AND ELVIS!!  I gotta pee, you are pretty, I like monkeys, want a cookie?