Cassie's Day of Self-Discovery

Cassie Pitman, Photo-Journalist!

Today, Cassie and I were blessed to attend ASquared Photography's sponsored "World Through My Eyes 2012".  What is this?  Well, they describe it here: Syracuse.com "World Through My Eyes 2012.  I see it as they gave my kid a camera that she's wanted forever, and the opportunity to walk through a beautiful park, taking pictures of anything that interested her, and a promise that she'd be published and hopes of a gallery showing.  They gave us more than a camera, a few hours of something new, and an opportunity for Cassie to learn who she is.  They gave me some major & important knowledge on my child!!!!

The past few days here at the Pitman Richards house were anything but fun.  She'd go from smiley Cassie to a puddle of screaming goo in 2.3 seconds.  "We've been invited to Gary's for a BBQ and Bonfire, I think we should go."  Simple enough sentence, don't you think?  "ARRGGGHHHHhhhh!!!!!!   NNNNOOOOOOooooo!!!!!  I CANT DO THAT!!!!  They'll be swimming and I can't and I'll be bored and I'll be miserable and I don't like to eat bbq and I'll be hungry and there will be noone to play with and I don't want to take my computer because then I wont know what to do on it and.........."  followed by sob, sob, sob.  Ok.  We won't go, its ok.  Nope.  THAT wasn't fun enough for ROB!!  "Hey, Cassie!!  Mom's gonna go and you and I will stay here. hahahha"

"AARRRGGGggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!  NNNNOOOOOooooooo!!!!!!  I need her because she is my wooby and she keeps me calm and you dont and you'll play a game with me but I'll lose and then I'll get sad and what if I have a melt down and you cant help me with that because you dont know what to do and you have too much autism to do it and mommy fixes things and you poked me and it hurt and when we were at grandmas......"  sob, sob sob.

I was there, and didn't realize how
interesting this view is until
I saw her picture!  The bottom of
the bridge is also forming waves!

This morning, though, she was calmer, but still nothing was right.  Her hair wasn't right, her breakfast wasn't right, I wasn't moving fast enough... and so on and so on.  When we got to the park, she was hanging on me and giggling like a maniac.  Yes, my friends, she was scared to death.  We got her checked in, she got her camera, and we started.  She was still up my rear-end, Cassie-Style, but about 1/2 hour into it something amazing happened.  She started walking 3 steps away from me, and looking at things.  Then she'd stop and bring the camera up, take a picture, grin, (not giggle) and move on.  At one point she was heading toward the pier and actually got about 20 steps away!!!  She was on a mission!!!

An Unknown Underwater
Lake Flower

After an hour, she stopped, turned to me, after about 10 whole minutes of silence (A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!) and said "OK.  I'm done.  Lets go."  And we did.  They copied her SD card, gave me a gift certificate for a free portrait, and off we went.... still completely calm!!  AND SHE REMAINED CALM UNTIL 5PM!!!!  I feel an experiment coming on.  The next time she is completely off the wall, I will take her into a park with her camera and see if it has the same effect.  If it does, I will then take her to a different venue, with her camera, and see if its just nature, or just photography in general that has this effect!!!  Wish us luck, and thank you, ASquared!!  You are AWESOME!!!!

I Can't Believe This is Still Going On!!

So, I finally finished canning the tomatoes from Tomato Torture Day 2012.  I ended up with 7 quarts of Stewed Tomatoes and 7 quarts and 1 pint of Spaghetti Sauce.  We had the pint for dinner tonight.  Rob is right... it IS Awesome Sauce!!  As per request from my mother, who either blessed me or cursed me with all these tomatoes, I have taken a picture of the end products.  Here it is:

Bounty from Tomato Torture Day 2012

Wow.  It was more impressive when I was mopping the sweat of my brow, peeling for 4 hours and then the making, stewing, and canning the crap.  <sigh>

But, you must remember, I have been doing tomatoes almost all month!  The tortuous marathon day was the 2nd batch of tomatoes my Mom gave me.  Its just the first delivery was in different stages of ripeness, so I was able to take my time.  Each time, peeling only took an hour, and I would turn that into either sauce or stewed tomatoes.  But, I was able to go at a very leisurely pace.  I like leisurely paces.  That is why I am the queen of puttering!!!

So, to give you an idea of what has really been going on here, between naps, of course, I gathered all my tomatoes and took another picture.  And here is that one:

My jars of tomatoes, as of 8/25/12

What you are looking at is 21 Spaghetti Sauce and 12 Stewed Tomatoes.... I know this because I just asked Rob how many of each one he counted 2 hours ago, and he told me.   <sigh>  Damn Autistic Men.  ANYWAYS, the total is 33.  The idea of canning your own food is to feed your family during the lean winter months.  Well, as long as my family doesn't mind tomatoes every other day, we should be set.

The most important reason I like to can, and make as much as possible from scratch, is because you never know where that hand has been.  You know, the hand of the person canning your food.  And what if they sneezed?  There are certain things I can NOT think about when I eat.  I love liver, but when I think of the function of that particular origin, I can't eat it.  Same with Catfish.  So, I'm allowed to think when I eat stuff I've made or, in this case, canned!!!  Oh, and if I give you one, don't worry.  I can guarantee that I washed my hands and no bodily fluids entered the items at any time!!!

So, why is it I can't believe that this is still going on?  Because while I was dealing with the mega-amounts of tomatoes donated to me by my loving mother (WHY DOES SHE PLANT SO MANY TOMATOES?!?!?!) I forgot one little thing.  I planted my OWN garden this year!!!!  As I write this, I have 15 tomatoes that need to have something done with.  And a bunch more green ones, that will ripen if the blight doesn't hit them!  I'm really starting to dislike tomatoes.

How Tomatoes Ruined Nap Time

The Start of the Tomato Torture

My Mom said, "I'm done canning for the year, you want some tomatoes?"  I said "SURE!!"  I am a fool.  For, you see, it wasn't SOME tomatoes, it was enough to feed a third world country for a month and a half.  They were all ripe, so I had to peel and begin processing them before they went bad.  When I filled 1/2 of my deep sink with them, I knew I was in for a long day.  I just didn't know how long.

See, peeling tomatoes is very easy, and its not rocket science.  It give plenty of time for one to think, especially if that one happens to be a very good thinker.  I mean, when I'm on a roll, I can think of 92 unrelated topics in a minute!  Peeling 7952 tomatoes is akin to torture to a thinker, because the process of peeling requires no real thought.  In all honesty, I may be exaggerating a bit with the number 7952.  I did try to count them, after I reached 10, I saw something shiny and lost count.  I'm starting to think I have a bit of ADD to go with my (minor case of) OCD.

The first hour wasn't so bad.  Cassie was setting up a candy stand in the hotel lobby (my dining room) and needed help spelling the names of various candies.  (She started today watching The Suite Life of Zach and Cody).  So, spelling Musketeer instead of Mouseketeer did take up some of the first hour.  Oh, and you never want to buy candy from her.  I heard her giving prices to customers, and there is no way in hell I will buy gum for $15 a package, or 1/2 a package of Starburst for $10.  Oh, and she'll also babysit, and that is only $10 an hour... but she'll spend the whole time feeding your kids candy.

 By the time I entered the 2nd hour, though, Cassie was done and I was alone with my thoughts.  I decided answers to many of the world problems.  For instance, regardless of who's theory you go with, I believe the Chicken came first.  I've also decided I'm voting for Romney for the one and only reason that his wife was a stay at home mom.  It was the only positive I could find in either candidate.  It was also in this hour that I decided to prove to Pitman that he can get another woman with no problem, just by making a profile for him on Match.com.  I ultimately decided against that, because I do have a sweet gig here.  Then I went on to the fact I want a job, mostly for my independence, in case Pitman does find a woman who fits him better.  But I'm really struggling to find child care for Cassie within the pay I could make.  I honestly believe that $100 a week (after taxes and day care) really isn't leaving the house in the winter.

During hour 3, I found lots of other questions I tried, with no avail, to answer.  Those questions are like why DID the monkey cross the road, why do I find the joke about the monkey stapled to the chicken such a freakin' riot, why can't schools just learn to deal and teach autistic kids and keep them from being bullied, do I have arthritis in my index finger, and why the hell does my mother plant so many tomatoes?

Stewing Tomatoes from today on the left,
Spaghetti Sauce from yesterday on the right.

By the time hour 4 was almost over, so was my never-ending sink of tomatoes.  <sigh>  I was so surprised that all those tomatoes fit (barely) into my 20 qt. Stock Pot!  But they did!!  I now have them simmering and reducing on the stove top, next to a batch of sauce I made from her last gift of tomatoes.  Tomorrow I will turn some of it into more sauce, and then can the rest as "stewed tomatoes".  I do have to get some more jars, and more lids.  I now need to go clean the kitchen.  I just have one last question, will this orange crap ever come out from under my fingernails?

Can you believe this crap?

This wasn't what I got, but very close.
Mine was creamier.

I go away for the afternoon, for another Christmas Tree Shop adventure with my Mom, Gert, and Cassie.  Awesome lunch, by the way...  I had a Crab Macaroni and Cheese!!!  mmmmmm  But I get home and all hell breaks loose.

See, New York States says that in order to home school, you have to send a letter of intent.  Then you have to send something called an IHIP, which tells them what you will be teaching and what books you will use.  So, this woman from Pupil Personnel Services calls and says she has received these items, but Clary Middle School still has her registered as a student.  Then she goes on to say I need to call Central Registration and tell them I'm home schooling.  I laugh, but I call.  After all, didn't the letter of intent mean that I was going to home school Cassie?  After all, I stated IN the letter "I will be home schooling my child, Cassandra Pitman, for the 2012-2013 school year".  I didn't think it was rocket science.....  But, I did call.

"Oh, ok", the woman on the other line says.  "Ummm, but you need to call pupil personnel services and tell them".  So, she gave me the number, and I call.  Guess who I get?  The same woman who called ME!!!!  She told me "I told you, you needed to call....." I cut her off, with a giggle.

"I know", I tell her, "They said I had to call you."  She laughed back, asked me to hold, called them herself and straightened it all out.  Why do I doubt that its been straightened out?  Maybe its because a month and a half AFTER I pulled her out of 6th grade, Clary Middle School sent me a letter stating she'd been promoted to the 7th grade.  They sent a report card, too, that said she missed 5 days of school, and was on the Merit List.

<sigh>  You can NOT make this crap up.

For Crying Out LOUD!! Be Specific!!!

Life is back to normal... as normal as it can be here in the Pitman Richards household!  So, before her injuries, Cassie surfed the internet (research) for healthy snacks (health and nutrition) and found some smoothie recipes (home ec) that she wanted to try.  So we bought some ingredients when we went grocery shopping (life skills and math). The bananas were very green, so I told her to jump on the computer and find out how to ripen them faster (research).  She found out if we place them in a brown paper bag with an apple and wait 24 hours (social skills -waiting) that they would ripen (science).

So today she decided she'd waited long enough, pulled out the bananas which, thanks to science, were ripe!!!  So she proceeded to follow the recipe (reading), measure (math) everything out, and put it in the blender (home ec).  She then asked and adult (me) to help with the instruction on how to use a blender (home ec.)  She then poured it into two glasses, while I continued to promote good self esteem by telling her how good it looked and smelled.  (it was even PINK!!!)  And then came the most common mistake made when it comes to dealing with those on the ASD spectrum.

"Hey, Cass...  can you do me a favor and fill it with water?"  

"SURE, MOM!!!  It needs to be cold water, though!!"  

So I then turn to look at her, to ask why it needs to be cold water, and stop short.  It needed to be cold water that she was putting in MY SMOOTHIE, probably so it would stay cold.  <sigh>  Well, she thought it through, and quite quickly.  The problem came when I didn't notice when I asked her to put some water in it, that she was holding my glass.  She had no clue I meant IN THE BLENDER!!!!!  <sigh>  But, like I said, its a very common issue.  Another homeschooling mom posted the following just before I started this:  

‎"Color each rectangle blue. Then, draw a happy face on each circle." 

Blue rectangles...check.

Three happy faces sitting over top of, but not ON, three circles...check.

See?  I'm not the only one!!  The kid did exactly what it read, just as Cassie did exactly as she was told!!!  Dealing with Auties is like dealing with the Genie who gives out those three wishes...  You need to be careful how you word it!!!

Closure Part II

Ok, that was a bald-faced lie.  See, I checked my stats and saw that yesterday's blog yielded 73 hits.  WOW!!!  That was the most I'd ever had!!  I do feel much better, since I also changed some of my Facebook Settings and don't have to feel poison flow throw my veins when certain names pop up.  Its like a weight lifted off my shoulders.  Very cathartic!

Cassie, resting peacefully,
with Rob's big foot in the picture,
Marley's fox,
and the fact I really
need to put pictures up on my wall.

But, as proof that life goes on, my Cassie decided to remind me of her presence in my hectic life.  Umm...  Cassie?  If you want attention, all you have to do is ask.  We can do without the theatrics!!  What theatrics, you ask?  Well, we went to the MOST, which is an awesome hands on science museum here in Syracuse.  It was my fault.  There were these huge stairs, at the entrance of a traffic circle, that I thought was the entrance.  So we climbed the stairs, realized it wasn't the entrance, turned to walk back down, and Cassie missed a step.  The poor little girl went down.  She hit her tailbone on the edge of a stone step, bounced, and landed on the step below, breaking her fall with her hand.  What happened next is very common in cute little Autie's with high pain thresholds... since there was no blood, she continued on with life.

She had a blast at the MOST, she had fun at our friend Ben's party afterwards, but when she woke up after the adrenaline of the night had worn off...  OWIEEE!!!!  So I took her to urgent care.  She has broken her tailbone and sprained her wrist.  But I learned a lot during our stay at the new Golisano Pediatric After Hours Center.  First of all, we arrived at 10:45am on a Sunday morning.  They didn't open until noon.  <sigh>  But the place was quiet and nice.  The people were outstanding and bent over backwards for Cassie, so I can't complain.  While we were waiting, they even had a TV that she could choose from different shows.  She chose "Thats So Raven".  But we did have to hit the reality that we were at a hospital in the city.

Cassie was in getting her Xrays and I was sitting in the hall, talking to my LeeAnne on the phone, when they brought him in.  The "they" were 2 big cops.  The "him" was the dude with the messy hair who was wearing handcuffs.  I was so glad Cassie wasn't out there at that moment.  The girl, trying so hard to be brave, while being in discomfort, watching 2 cops coming in with a "Perp", would really have lost it.

Oh, and the many times I end up with some member of my family in Urgent Care, who's name is really an oxymoron, you'd think I'd remember to bring snacks.  By the time 1:30 hit, the only thing keeping me from running out of the room, hollering "SOMEONE GET ME A SAMMICH!!!!" was the fact that Cassie was also whining that she was hungry, and I didn't want to share a sandwich.  But, they did give her a red Popsicle!!

And I've also found out that there is nothing cuter than Cassie, saying in many different voices "I broke my Coccyx!" adding that coccyx is a funny word.  But, as she explained to Daddy, it wasn't her fault.  See, she was stressed and over excited and she got distracted, which made her fall and bounce on the stairs.  See why I love this child?  She didn't blame ME, either!!!!!

Getting My Need for Closure

Before I begin my story, I need to put out a disclaimer. This posting is not for anyone who does not want to relive the heartwrenching experiences of a year ago. Here is your opportunity to close this out and walk away. I will wait.

dee te dee te.... lalalla.....dee te teee.... la la...

Ok. I hope that was enough time. I am not writing this to open old wounds. I'm writing this to close mine. And to tell my side of the story. I will be leaving out a lot of details, because I won't go into a "He said, She said" debate, just the facts as they affected me, my marriage, my family, and my beliefs. 

Over a year ago, my husband fell in love with another woman. He stated that while there was a day they planned to turn their relationship physical, he chickened out and it never did. As there is no way of knowing the truth, I excepted that explanation, we talked, sought therapy, and worked things out. I have forgiven him, but I have not forgotten. I still carry the hurt he caused, but I just turned it into part of the large wall I'm erecting around me. But there is more to the story. See, the woman he carried on this emotional affair with was my friend, one of my best friends. We will call her Kristy.

When I was preparing to move upstate, she was all gushy and lovey, and huggy. "Oh this will be so GREAT!!!" She said we'd go shopping, get pedicures, go on Girls Nights Out, etc. I was so looking forward to that, because in my adulthood, I've never had a "girl friend" like that. I found out later that while she was saying all these things, she was involved with my husband. She even helped me move from downstate to upstate. I don't know if she ever felt friendly to me or if it was all an act. It looks like I will never know.

After it happened, I repeatedly asked her all the why & how questions. She wouldn't answer. She just wanted to go back to the way it was. I tried. Thats when the blow-offs started, and I realized she didn't want to go back to the way things were, she just wanted me gone. She said once that I won and to leave it at that. But I needed the closure.

Kristy was married to a man I have the utmost love and respect for. He is probably the reason I accepted Kristy so readily into my life. To say I would do anything in the world for him, its an understatement. Its also an understatement to say I feel I owe my life to this guy. As her meanness toward me got worse, I informed her she needed to tell her husband what went on between her and MY husband.... she insisted I was trying to kill her husband. Less than a week later Rob told him about the relationship. Less than a week after that, Kristy left him and moved in with another man, also married and a close friend of her family. I understand they are living happily ever after. My dear friend has also found a new woman who makes him very happy. Robert and I have put that part of our lives behind us.

The problem? She was my friend. Its bad enough when your husband falls in love with another woman. But when that woman is your FRIEND, its a double pain. When your man hurts you, you turn to your friends to help you through it.... but what do you do when they cause it? How do you get over that kind of pain? Closure helps. But every time I ask her, it invokes the fight or flight response. So, I let it go for a while. I recently asked her one more time. I figured after a year, she's happy, her soon to be ex is happy, whats the big deal, right? No response. Ok. I dont like it, but I can deal. What I didn't expect was the immediate, immature Facebook posts. Making fun of my napping, saying "Some people need to realize they aren't all that" immediately after I post that I'm awesome. Oh, and my favorite, insinuating my hypocrisy because my skeletons are coming out of my closet. No, I can't prove all of this is pertaining to me. But I have never believed in coincidences, and having their comments posted, and seemingly related to, things I have commented, looks pretty darned suspicious. Oh, then there was the comment where she said: "dont hold your breath...oh...on second though...please do. and dont respond. Im so done. Maybe you should go take a nap.", when I told her I was waiting for my enlightenment. 

Now, I know what most of you saying. Me? HYPOCRITICAL? Yeah! I know, RIGHT? I laughed, too. Skeletins in my closet? That is another good laugh!!! See, I have no secrets, I say nothing behind someones back I wouldn't or haven't already said to their face. Its not like I haven't TRIED to talk to her, to mend things. But she has made it clear that she has no desire to do so. My Mom keeps telling me that I have to deal with the fact that in life, I will come across people who don't like me. I still find it hard to digest. I'm a freakin' sweetheart, and a blast to be with!!! Why wouldn't everyone love me?!?! Well, they dont. And some feel the need to try to tear me down. Mom always told me those people did that because they were jealous. So, I guess I will let "Kristy" continue to trash talk and giggle like a high schooler. I'm too old to pass for a teenager any more. 

I will now consider this chapter in my life closed, make the hurt she caused into a few more bricks, and add them to the wall. Thank you, my friends, for allowing me this opportunity to heal.