Setting the Record Straight

I was recently told I "hold on to things too long".  Well, I have a scar on my knee that I've had since the 5th grade.  I can't get rid of it and I'm still afraid of it being damaged.  When I did it, they told me if it broke open, I'd be in trouble because there was no tissue left to sew together.  I know now there are ways around that with skin grafts, but at the time I was little.  Well, fear and pain still affect me the same way.  Some people have brick walls built around them...  I have fragile scar tissue I protect at all costs.

So, I'm sorry if I cant forget the fact that you said I would be the only one then gave your love to another.  I'm sorry that I cant forget that after all I did in the name of friendship, you could throw it away when I had to change jobs.  I'm sorry that I finally had to say no after all those times you took, took, took and never gave anything in return.  I'm sorry that after all the promises you made of great things that I can not forget that, instead, you took the last thing in the world I believed in.  I'm sorry the abuse you put me through, both physical and verbal, are still with me.  I regret that I still get angry at the thought that I've kept my mouth shut all the times I've felt attacked out respect for the one who loves you.

Because of the scars these items have left, and the fear and pain those scars represent, I have taken less and less risk in my life.  Do I hold on to things too long?  I don't believe so.  I just feel I'm not stupid and that I learn from my mistakes.  If I get a little reckless and stupid, I catch a glimpse of that scar, see how it measures up with what I'm doing now, and decide whether to continue or pull back.  Its proven history repeats its self, and there are some things in my life I refuse to repeat.  If I appear secluded and "holding on to things too long", I'm not.  I'm just using common sense.

Oh, and one more thing.  I have not mentioned anything specific to anyone who may read my blog.  So, if you see yourself in any of the above instances, I wasn't talking about you.  I wont bore you with the details and the names, but I can assure you that nobody listed here even KNOWS I have a blog.  Oh, and if you are a creepy stalker from my past who I am actually talking about?  Thank you for making me stronger and my Karma bite you in the butt.